


Always

by youmaybethechancellor



Category: La Reina del Sur (TV), Queen of the South, Queen of the South (TV), Queen of the South (USA Network), Queen of the South - USA
Genre: Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief, Manpain, Post 3x06, Set in Season 3, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-19 19:01:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15516444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youmaybethechancellor/pseuds/youmaybethechancellor
Summary: Post 3x06, Teresa doesn't want to be alone.





	Always

**Author's Note:**

> * set after 3x06  
> * anonymous: i’m always a slut for casual touches :) please???? there’s something very compelling about the thought of terrsa trying to show james he’s her first choice after what went down with guero, i think she’s the type to use physical affection to show that.  
> * anonymous: I would love to see one of when James finds out Teresa was going to get him a rib eye steak  
> * “The fear of loss … it can destroy you as much as the loss itself.” —Sarah J. Maas. Empire of Storms  
> 

The ride back to Phoenix was silent. James and Pote didn’t know how to talk to Teresa about Guero’s death, and even if they did, it wasn’t really a group conversation. She needed time to grieve and they respected that. 

But God, hadn’t she spent the last two years mourning him? He’d died half a million times, shouldn’t she be used to it by now? 

He was actually gone this time, though. Really gone. James had buried his body himself. 

James parked the car inside the compound and got out, opening Teresa’s door for her. She squeezed his hand in passing, but didn’t meet his eyes. 

James’ brows creased. He should be the one lending her strength in this situation, and she was… comforting him? 

James hadn’t gotten much sleep the other night, the night he spent with Teresa, and after spending a day on edge and getting into a gunfight and digging an albeit shallow grave, then driving through the night to get home, he was tired. So tired. He ran a hand through his hair and went to stand next to Pote, pulling out a cigarette and lighting up. 

“Give her space,” Pote advised, but James heard the warning in his words.

Pote loved Teresa; maybe not exactly like a daughter, but sort of like a favorite niece. He stayed out of her problems unless she asked for help, because he knew it wasn’t his business, but he was still very protective. 

James nodded and blew smoke from his lungs. 

Pote went inside a few moments later to make lunch and to fill in Kelly Anne and the boys. 

 

James finished his cigarette and followed a while after, planning to take a shower and then sleep the day away. 

 

He pushed open the door to his room to find Teresa in his bed. She had her back to him and was curled in the fetal position, wearing one of his shirts. 

James swallowed thickly. “Oh. I can-- um.”

“Stay.” It was so quiet that he thought he had imagined it. 

“Teresa, you don’t have t--”

“Please?” her voice trembled slightly. 

James nodded though she couldn’t see him. “Okay.” 

He changed into clean sweatpants and a t-shirt silently, though he didn’t usually wear such things to bed. He didn’t want Teresa to feel pressured to do anything. He walked to the right side of the bed, closest to the door, and lifted a corner of the comforter. 

“Are you sure you want me here? You don’t owe me anything, you know that, right?”

She nodded, and James pressed his lips together. It seemed wrong to do this. He felt like he was taking advantage of her in some way, even though she was the one that was in his bed. 

James got into the bed slowly, making sure not to touch Teresa in any way. He stared up at the ceiling as he tried to think of something to say. What do you say to someone who just lost the man they loved? _Again._

He didn’t think that he was really the best person to be talking to her about this. There were too many complications. He’d never been a fan of Guero, and had even considered killing him once or twice, but hadn’t been able to actually bring himself to do it because he knew it would hurt her too much. 

And then there was that night. 

James had hoped that things would change after the night that they had spent together. He wanted it so badly, and had for months. Of _course_ Guero would come around and fuck that up.

But it wasn’t really Guero’s fault. Teresa had _left_ before he’d woken up, snuck out like it was some kind of one-night stand and she didn’t want to be seen with him. 

Maybe she regretted it. 

Maybe it was over. 

James blew out a slow breath, his eyes suddenly wet. He blinked. Was he... _crying?_

All that he knew was that he was hopelessly, desperately in love with Teresa, and he’d just lost the only thing in his life that made any sense. 

Teresa rolled onto her back to look at him. He sniffed and tried to look like he hadn’t just been crying too. 

She found his eyes and took his hand beneath the sheets. He brought their intertwined fingers to his mouth and kissed the back of her hand. _Do you want to talk about it?_

Teresa released his hand and shifted closer to him, placing her head on his chest and putting a leg over his. He hadn’t been expecting that, and he took a second to process it before petting her hair lightly. 

“I’m s- this isn’t fair to you.”

“Hey,” he tilted her chin up and made her look at him. “I’m here for you. As long as you want me.”

She nodded and began to cry again, burying her face in his shirt. 

James rubbed slow, soothing circles into her back and pressed a kiss to her temple. “You’ll survive this, too.”

 

“I shouldn’t have left. It’s all my fault. If I hadn’t left-- he’d still be alive right now.”

“It’s not your fault, Teresa. He made his choice. He chose to wait until you came to be a hero, when he could have escaped all along. He had a weapon and an escape plan. He should have tried to leave when he was in better shape.” 

She clutched at his shirt, holding onto him as he continued to stroke her hair. 

“And,” he hesitated. “It’s my fault, too. You wouldn’t have been kidnapped if I hadn’t--”

“What?” Teresa took a deep breath, shaking her head minisculely. “You didn’t do anything. You tried to help him.”

“If I hadn’t--,” he began. “I’m the reason you left. If you hadn’t needed to get away from me, you wouldn’t have gotten kidnapped.” 

“James.” She sat up and looked down at him. “I didn’t leave because--,” she opened her mouth and closed it again. “I left because I wanted to surprise you. I was going to the market for one of those steaks you wanted.”

“Oh.” _Oh._ He blew out a breath. He felt so. fucking. stupid.

“It’s you, it’s-- I chose you. I choose you. This doesn’t change that.”

“Teresa…” he laid a hand on her cheek and she leaned into his touch as he stroked her cheekbone. He didn’t have the words to express just what he felt, but _I love you_ was just on the tip of his tongue. 

He swallowed it. “I’ll always choose you.”

She gave him a small smile and laid back down on his chest.

 

After a while she said, “But it still-- he was my first love, and he’s _dead_ and it still hurts even though I’ve lost him before.”

“We can’t stop loving people just because we want to.” Despite how inconvenient loving Teresa had been while they were both with Camila, he couldn’t get over her, and now? Now he probably never would.

“I didn’t even notice. When he died, I didn’t even notice.”

“You were there, he got to see you again. That was enough.” It would be for him. 

Teresa’s face crumpled again as she said, “Everyone I love dies.”

He knew that feeling all too well. 

“Not everyone. You still have Tony and Pote and Kelly Anne.” _And me._

 _And you._ She pressed closer to him, seeking his warmth and strength. 

“Sometimes, the fear of loss can destroy you as much as the loss itself. Don’t push us away because you don’t want us to get hurt. We chose you, too, Teresa. _I_ chose you.”

Teresa exhaled unsteadily. “Thank you for staying.” 

_Always._  
Always.  
Always. 

“Try to get some sleep.” 

 

Teresa fell asleep to James tracing pictures into her back with his fingers and the sound of his even breaths beneath her. Things would be alright, as long as she had this.

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you think !! 
> 
> tbh this isn't my favorite piece of writing but I was getting tired of looking at it


End file.
